While part of me wants to be happy to have contributed to the improvement of BFRPG and the Morgansfort module, it’s with a bit of bitter regret.  Having a long time to reflect on the things I said and the complaints I made, I’m incredibly embarrassed and somewhat ashamed of myself and my behavior, and still I feel like my apology to Chris was not really enough.  I was at a very dark and strange period in my life then, and while I was and still am uncomfortable with some of the things, I’ve found I can easily ignore what I don’t like and use what I do, and I’m upset at myself with the way I initially approached the subject.  Looking back on it now, I’d definitely think that whoever wrote that was being an asshole.  Trust me, BFRPG, it wasn’t you, it was me.  But if Chris thinks that he was able to make BFRPG better because I was a jerk, let me tell you, it is a truly humbling thing.

Thanks, Chris, and I’m sorry for having been a jerk.


4 responses to “RE: BFRPG

  1. It’s hard enough living with the mistakes you make and the things you do that are wrong… then you get married and you have to live with the things you do right. 😉

    I joke but you know it comes from pain.

    I heard “responsibility” and “consequences” so many times as a kid I came to think they were bad words… then I grew up and learned the hard way that they ARE bad words.

    Yeah but no.

    I sometimes break out in a cold sweat when I think of something I said or did that hurt someone and I have to stop everything I’m doing for several minutes or it turns into an anxiety attack.

    Like that one time I said that one girl’s make-up didn’t look very good… like 12 years ago? Yeah, that still haunts me. D:


    • I know, right? But if my thankfully brief stint as a wanna-be socially conscious heel made BFRPG a better game somehow, then so be it, I guess. It’s very humbling, though, for Chris to point me out and say “the game is better because of what this guy had to say”, even if I’m embarrassed by how I said it.

  2. I wasn’t kidding when I said you helped. I wrote the adventure very much the way it played out with my group, so there was little flexibility in the outcomes as written. Combined with cultural aspects of my game world which, out of context, did seem rather racist… yeah, BF1 needed help. So you were a bit harsh about it… it wasn’t a problem.

    Thank you for your support!

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