“Meet and Marry a Gorgeous Russian Queen” or Why White Feminists Never Get Invited to Rap Battles

The first lady’d be all:
“You’re gettin all triggered while you don’t have the mic
Cuz some other lady’s here sayin stuff you don’t like
I don’t even know you but you’ve taken offense
You need to get off the stage if you’re really that dense”

And then the other lady would be all:
*points & screams like a pod person*
*mic drop*

Some feminist lady wrote some snarky poem* about a loser dude who gets a mail order Russian bride. It gets read at an open mic at a feminists-only convention. Some other feminist lady identifies with the mail order bride so much that she completely loses her shit, claims that she’s being harassed & files a harassment suit with con organizers and goes out of her way to destroy the first lady’s career. This reminds me of the time that Alfalfa got kicked out of the He-Man Woman Haters Club.

People who are perpetually offended can neither create nor enjoy anything of artistic value. I’ve got no problem with the idea of Safe Spaces, but they are incompatible with art and performance as a venue.

It’s really not much different from the time a guy on my label was booked to play an open mic revue in his town and was run off by violent red-necks wanting to “smear the queer” because he was a “dress-wearing faggit” who was “gonna play devils music”.  Those people wanted a safe space where they could listen to each other sing gospel and country songs strumming on guitar; just imagine the Muppets from Emmett Otter’s Jugband Christmas all lost it and started coming after the Riverbottom Nightmare Band with clubs & pitchforks instead of giving them 1st place (sorry, Paul Williams, that shit is real life).

If you’re going to have people perform, don’t expect it to be a “safe space”.  If you’re going to have “safe space”, don’t ask people to perform in it, because someone out there is going to get butthurt.

*:The poem itself is remarkably inoffensive, though fairly clever and amusing.

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2 responses to ““Meet and Marry a Gorgeous Russian Queen” or Why White Feminists Never Get Invited to Rap Battles

  1. The Blues Brothers knew how to handle “unsafe spaces”: win the ravening mobs over with your rendition of Rawhide. Just don’t take it personally when beer bottles are exploding around you.

    • I’m pretty sure that the band I was in added Bad Moon Rising to our setlist for similar reasons. “Sure these guys are calling us cunts, fags & motherfuckers, but anybody who likes Fogerty can’t be THAT bad!”

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