The United Caveman Federation Tell-All (Part 10)

An early [and somewhat inaccurate] timeline of the United Caveman Federation!

The Elric incident and the death of Bob Dobbs will be covered in later posts.

6/11 – Prince Elric arrives at the United Caveman Federation to conduct negotiations for a pact of non-aggression between their domains and establish trade.

Details: Elric arrives at Caves of Bog [Cave 2] to conduct business in person with Ringo.

6/14 – Negotiations conclude, and the cavemen will trade ivory for iron and women.

Details: 7 tons of mammoth ivory traded for 100 footman’s maces, 600 daggers, 1200 spears, 1200 hand axes, and 96 Trollops [used].

6/29 – Bob Dobbs is apprehended near the Caves of Fug [Cave 6]. Unsuccessful at convincing the cavemen to abandon their god in favor of Slack, the Chief puts for a divine challenge, the god Slack vs. the god who provided Fug with cavebears. The cavebears tear Bob apart.

Bob leaves behind 1,291 gp, a battle axe, set of plate mail, and a dagger. Also a 10 ft pole, backpack, 50 feet of rope and some yucky city food rations. + a Cleric spell scroll with Insect Plague, Animate Object, Blade Barrier, Conjure Animals, Speak with Monsters, and Stone Tell.

7/1 – Caravan arrives from Elric near caves 1 & 2.

7/2 – Cavemen conduct the goods back to cave 2 for later distribution, while Elric’s on his way with the ivory.

7/5 – Fluid the Druid arrives at Fug. Fluid is made welcome and taken to Chief Fudd despite a failed attempt to charm the patrol’s leader. [F3 Caveman rolls 20 on his saving throw vs. spell]. Fluid inquires about the doings of the Mushroom Men, but the cavemen have no news. Chief Fudd invites Fluid to spend a week with his men hunting, using his tricks to catch big game and replenish the stores of Fug in exchange for the Cleric Scroll. Fluid agrees.

7/6-7/12 – Fluid and Fudd hunt big game, at least one large animal per day.

7/13 – Fudd gives Fluid the Cleric Scroll

The United Caveman Federation Tell-All (Part 9)

The Braunstein began with Elric needing gold for something he was doing, and he approached the Cavemen to see what he could get from them. This led to the ill-fated convey that would change the face of greater Trollopulus forever.

Elric’s Caravan

The 7k is being taken from Cave 2, Ringo’s cave. It’s being carried by 5 Paleoscincus.

Our caravan is made up of:

60 cavemen, 20 Cave Bears, 5 Paleoscincus, 5 F3, 2 F4, 1 F5, and Ringo [this is important enough he wants to be there]

The caravan will be meeting Elric at the west base of the plateau to trade the 7 tons of Ivory for:

100 footman’s maces – 800

600 daggers – 1200

1200 spears – 1200

1200 hand axes – 1200

???? Trollops – 2400

The United Caveman Federation Tell-All (Part 8)

If u are in Jeffro’s campaign, please do not take advantage of these vulnerabilities during the full moon.

Cave Defenses during a Great Hunt:

The Caves are at their most vulnerable during a Great Hunt.

Defenders include: 10 cavemen who remain to guard, 1-2 F4 (depending on cave), 20-30 Cave Bears, 5 dinosaurs. Male children may use slings against intruders but will flee and hide after one missile round.

Against a serious threat that cannot be driven off easily [such as a wandering dinosaur or something] the inhabitants will flee and hide rather than stand and fight.

If a patrol encounters a threat that may be heading towards the caves when a Great Hunt is being conducted, runners will be sent both to the cave and to the hunting party. It will be the Chief’s call, based on the threat, whether to send any lieutenants back to the caves with additional men.

The United Caveman Federation Tell-All (Part 7)

The secret of the United Caveman Federation economy revealed!

Great Hunt

At least one “Great Hunt” must be conducted per month, where the 5th level must demonstrate his prowess by bringing down a beast worthy of his stature. [He does not have to do this alone, but basically, he needs to hunt with his men and lts. to show that he’s necessary to the tribe’s survival.]

Great Hunts = anything that brings food, skin, and ivory enough for more than just subsistence and allows for trade with other tribes and the outside world.

For the Great Hunt, the following will be done:

Patrols are reduced to 5 to free up manpower.

The Great Hunt party consists of:

60 Cavemen, 4 F3, 2 F4, 1F5.*

Dinosaurs are ONLY used to haul back game during the hunt or to assist in directing the gauntlet.

On the night of the full moon, the Cleric of each cave will cast Augury, and the hunt will be planned accordingly.

The Cavemen have developed sophisticated hunting strategies that will maximize the yield of the hunt while minimizing individual risk. Prior to the hunt itself, the patrols will have scouted the area thoroughly so they can devise a cunning gauntlet to drive prey through. Each hunter is tasked with either striking a blow or driving the beast further down the gauntlet. After each blow is struck, the hunter withdraws and lets his brothers continue their task. At the end of the gauntlet, the cave chief will deliver the killing blow.

Cavemen don’t fight toe-to-toe with prey, and will attack from the sides and rear angles with jabbing spears and will drive the beasts onward using thrown or slung rocks. Injuries during hunts are rare, but a hurt caveman will withdraw immediately, covered by one of his brothers, and will be healed back at the cave by the Cleric.

The United Caveman Federation Tell-All (Part 6)

Okay, this is getting spoilery, so if you’re in Jeffro’s Campaign, this is not for your eyes unless you have adventured in the United Caveman Federation [in which case your characters would see this in practice].

Standing Patrol Notes:


each hex

60 1st levels divided into 6 teams, each led by 1 3rd level [6 total] These are doing regular patrols on the borders of cave hexes and into the immediate adjacent hexes. Report back on news, traffic, hunting, etc.

If they encounter something worth reporting, they send 1-6 runners to the cave. The cave will send 1-6 runners to contact the other adjacent patrols; patrols will send the 5 1st level cavemen back to the cave if necessary; 5 1st levels and 1 3rd level will remain on patrol, possibly sending another runner if they encounter anything.

[These patrols are “overstrength” and may be drawn down to 5 or 6 in the future so that the forces that the cavemen will react with or go on hunts with will be larger. Patrols with contingents of 5 or fewer will avoid uncertain and hostile contacts, neutral contact if even or outnumbered, and will not hunt opportunity game.]


Normal hunting – If game of opportunity is present, they will hunt it and send it back to the cave; fresh cavemen will replace members who carried the game back.

Exceptional hunting – one runner will be sent to inform the news. Remaining patrol may attempt game at opportunity or observe until better prepared.

Uncertain contact – Observe, then send one runner.

Neutral contact – Warn or parley, send one runner

Hostile contact – Warn or if the patrol can subdue, they will attempt to do so after sending one or more runners.

Friendly contact – Offer parley, send a runner for more info; 4th-level with more men may come to meet and escort back to cave for trade or parley. [known friends, a higher-level meeting may not be required for escort to the caves]

Large attack – 6 runners to warn the cave and other patrols. Hide and observe.

Response Teams & Home Guard

30 cavemen + 3 third levels + 1 4th level – These make up the rapid-response teams at each cave. If other runners need to be sent to other caves, they may do so from this pool.

When not on active missions, these teams will be conducting regular hunting and training and leisure that will let them stay fresh. Members regularly rotate.

Caves may reduce patrols to bolster these numbers as necessary. Patrols will never be fewer than 5, and no fewer than 10 1st level cavemen will remain at the caves at all times.

The remaining levelled cavemen hang back at the cave [1 3rd level and ~2 4th levels] as body-guards to the 5th level, though 1 4th level may be sent on a messenger-mission to other caves as need be.]

Runners and messengers will avoid encounters at all costs. Clerics and 5th levels never leave the lairs except on Great Hunts.

The United Caveman Federation Tell-All (Part 5)

Enough shitposting, it’s time to get to the meaty parts.

Cave 1: Ab (has a lake)

Stores: 6 Tusks [6k gp]

Personnel: Arg (5th), Akk(F4), Ang(F4), App(F4), Arda (C3)

10 F3, 100 Cavemen

100 Females, 50 Children

10 Paleoscincus, 20 Cave Bears

Cave 2: Bog (does not have a lake)

Stores: 2 Tusks [2k gp]*, Plate Mail of Etherealness (20 charges), Rod of Lordly Might (43 charges)

Personnel: Ringo (F11), Brag (F5), Borg (4th), Bel (F4), Brot (F4), Bud (F4), Bagga (C3)

10 F3, 100 Cavemen

100 Females, 50 Children

10 Paleoscincus, 30 Cave Bears

Cave 3: Crug (does not have a lake)

Stores: 8 Tusks [8k gp]

Personnel: Cang (F5), Clo (F4), Cull (F4), Croo (F4), Crem (F4), Crona (C3)

10 F3, 100 Cavemen

100 Females, 50 Children

10 Paleoscincus, 30 Cave Bears

Cave 4: Deg (does not have a lake)

Stores: 4 Tusks [4k gp]

Personnel: Dragg (F5), Dro (F4), Dan (F4), Dug (F4), Droma (C3)

10 F3, 100 Cavemen

100 Females, 50 Children

10 Paleoscincus, 20 Cave Bears

Cave 5: Eg (does not have a lake)

Stores: Empty

Personnel: Enn (F5), Ell (F4), Edd (F4), Esh (F4), Emda (C3)

10 F3, 100 Cavemen

100 Females, 50 Children

10 Paleoscincus, 20 Cave Bears

Cave 6: Fug (does not have a lake)

Stores: Empty

Personnel: Fudd (F5), Frum (F4), Foog (F4), Fegg (F4), Furda (C3)

10 F3, 100 Cavemen

10 Paleoscincus, 20 Cave Bears